Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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