So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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