Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
