please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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