My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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