Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
