I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
