i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
