ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
