Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
