I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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