I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
