I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
