i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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