Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
