Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
