You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
