omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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