he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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