Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
