uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
