is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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