i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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