My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
