I could make wine with my vomit
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize