i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
