I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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