I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
