I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
