Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
