he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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