Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
