VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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