dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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