I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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