Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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