i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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