Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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