you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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