just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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