Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
