I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
