are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
