okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Green mimosas i think yes
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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