Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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