Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
