Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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