seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
