apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
