I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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