Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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