I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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