Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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