Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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