NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize