if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I AM VODKA MAN
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
