then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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