you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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