i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
