Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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