i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
