Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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