Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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