wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
