DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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