Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
