A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
