everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
