Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you would pick up someone in the library
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize