Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
