We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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