I bet he comes in French.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
