just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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