ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
