i jhust puked up my retainher.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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